How to Prepare for the Holidays: Tips from a Relational Therapist

The Holidays Can Be Wonderful – and Overwhelming

November is here! The air is crisp, the days are shorter, and the holiday season is right around the corner. For many, this means cozy gatherings and joyful traditions. It can also mean anxiety, grief, or tension – especially when visiting family or navigating strained relationships.

If you find yourself dreading certain gatherings or feeling the weight of expectations, you’re not alone. The holidays can stir up a lot –  from old family patterns to the stress of trying to make everything “perfect.” Finding ways to support yourself (and your relationships) can make this season feel more manageable and meaningful.

Start With Compassion For Yourself

Before anything else, give yourself permission to not feel cheerful all the time. Many people feel pressure to be endlessly grateful or festive, even when they’re struggling. The truth is, it’s okay if the holidays feel heavy.

Allow space for whatever emotions come up – sadness, anxiety, even frustration. The more you judge or suppress how you feel, the more those feelings tend to grow. Instead, try to approach yourself with curiosity and compassion. Emotions often tell us of an unmet need. Taking a few mindful breaths and naming what’s coming up can help you stay grounded. See my previous blogs on the mental health toolkit and how to feel your feelings for more intentional self care ideas.

Extend That Grace to Your Partner

The holidays can test even the strongest relationships. Whether it’s navigating in-laws, juggling travel plans, or managing different family expectations, stress can quickly build up.

Take time to check in with your partner (Pssst. I have a blog on this too). Ask them, “How can I support you this season?” Maybe they need help with logistics like cooking or gift shopping, or maybe they just need some extra emotional care. Be sure to ask for the support you need as well. 

Prioritize connection – schedule quiet time together, share a meal without distractions, or plan a “holiday-free” evening to unwind. Intentional connection now can help you both feel more supported and united when things get hectic.

Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries

One of the most common themes that comes up in therapy sessions around the holidays is boundaries. Boundaries are a form of self-care – they’re how we communicate what we will and won’t tolerate, and how we protect our mental and emotional energy.

If a relative tends to be unkind or disrespectful, you don’t have to endure it. You can limit your time with that person, excuse yourself when needed, or choose not to attend certain events altogether.

Remember: you can’t control how others behave, but you can control how you respond and what you allow. If you find yourself stuck at a gathering that feels uncomfortable, take a short break – step outside, breathe, and give yourself permission to reset.

Be Mindful of Your Energy

Before you RSVP to every event, check in with yourself: How am I feeling? What do I truly have the capacity for?

For my recovering people-pleasers out there, saying “no” can feel uncomfortable – but it’s a powerful act of self-respect. You don’t have to attend every party or say yes to every request. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can help reduce burnout and resentment, letting you enjoy the moments that matter most.

Taking Care of Yourself and Your Relationship This Season

Interpersonal dynamics can be challenging, especially under the added pressure of the holidays. Slowing down and checking in – with yourself and your partner – can help you both decide what you truly want from this season, and how to make it meaningful on your own terms.

If you’re finding it hard to navigate family stress, communication struggles, or emotional burnout this time of year, virtual therapy can help.

At Fen & Fir Counseling, I offer virtual individual and couples therapy in Washington State, helping clients feel more grounded, connected, and supported – no matter where they are in the season of life (or the holidays). You can learn more about my me and my work here.

Ready to feel more at ease this holiday season?
Reach out today to schedule a free consultation for online therapy, virtual office in Spokane and take the first step toward a calmer, more connected you.

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Disclaimer: this post is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. It does not substitute or provide mental help.