What Is the Sound Relationship House and How Can It Strengthen Your Relationship?

Relationships aren’t built overnight – they’re nurtured over time. That’s the idea behind the Sound Relationship House (SRH), a powerful framework for relationship counseling created by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. Based on decades of research, the SRH helps couples understand what truly makes a relationship thrive.

Each “level” of the house represents a skill or behavior that supports connection, trust, and lasting love. Let’s take a look at each part of the house – and how you can start applying these ideas to your own relationship.

Sound Relationship House created by Dr. John Gottman, of The Gottman Institute.

Build Love Maps

Love Maps are how well you know your partner’s inner world – their hopes, worries, dreams, and joys. Early in a relationship, we naturally update these maps, but over time, life’s busyness can cause us to lose touch.

Rebuilding your Love Maps means taking time to ask questions, show curiosity, and stay emotionally connected as you both grow and change. (For more on this, check out my post on updating your Love Maps.)

Share Fondness and Admiration

This level is all about appreciation and respect. It’s as simple as telling your partner what you love about them – how thoughtful they are, how they make you laugh, or how hard they work for your family.

Everyone wants to feel seen and valued. Small, genuine moments of admiration go a long way toward keeping love strong.

Turn Toward Instead of Away

Successful couples turn toward each other’s “bids for connection.” A bid is a gesture: a smile, a question, a touch, or a joke. These moments might seem small, but they’re actually what build emotional closeness.

When you consistently respond to each other’s bids, you create a sense of being noticed, supported, and loved.

The Positive Perspective

How you feel about your relationship colors how you interpret each other’s actions. Couples who maintain a positive perspective tend to give each other the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming the worst.

Noticing your initial reactions – especially when something rubs you the wrong way – can show whether you’re leaning toward positivity or negativity in your relationship.

Manage Conflict

Conflict happens in every relationship, it’s not a sign of failure. The Gottmans found that some problems are solvable, while others are perpetual. What matters most is how you talk about them.

Healthy conflict involves compromise, empathy, and a willingness to be influenced by your partner’s perspective. It’s also about knowing when to take a break and self-soothe before continuing the conversation.

Make Life Dreams Come True

Happy couples create space for each other’s dreams. This might mean supporting a new career goal, personal passion, or shared vision for the future. When you both feel free to pursue your dreams, with your partner cheering you on, it strengthens connection and mutual respect.

Create Shared Meaning

At the top of the Sound Relationship House is shared meaning. This is about building a life narrative together – shared rituals, family traditions, values, and inside jokes that make your relationship uniquely yours.

It’s some of my favorite work as a couples therapist: helping partners decide what kind of “relationship story” they want to write together.

Trust and Commitment: The Walls That Hold It All Together

Every strong relationship rests on two essential walls: trust and commitment. Both partners must choose to show up, stay curious, and work through challenges – knowing that love is something you build, not just something you feel.

How the Sound Relationship House Can Help You

Using the Sound Relationship House in virtual couples therapy can help you see where your relationship is thriving and where it needs more support.

In my work with couples across Washington State, I use this framework to highlight strengths, uncover patterns, and help partners rebuild a solid foundation of connection and trust – no matter where they are starting from.

Ready to Fix-Up Your Relationship House?

Whether you’re looking to reconnect, heal from conflict, or simply deepen your emotional bond, online couples therapy can help you take the next step. I provide virtual couples therapy for clients throughout Washington, from Seattle to Spokane, and more. Learn more about me and the services I offer.

Let’s work together to build your Sound Relationship House – one floor at a time. Request a consultation with me here, I’d be honored to support you! 

—

Disclaimer: this post is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. It does not substitute or provide mental help.