How to Have a “Relationship Check-In:" from a Washington State Couples Therapist
Life can feel like a whirlwind - work deadlines, managing a household, keeping up with friends and family, and trying to squeeze in a little time for yourself. With so much going on, it’s no surprise that spending intentional time with your partner often falls to the bottom of the list. When connection takes a backseat, it’s easy for distance, miscommunication, and tension to creep in. This can leave you feeling miles away from one another, even if you are sitting right next to your partner.
One practice I often return to in my work as a couples therapist is the simple yet powerful check-in. When life gets hectic, we can forget just how meaningful it is to sit down with our partner, free from distractions, and truly listen to one another.
Clear communication and intentionality is the heartbeat of a strong relationship. One way to nurture that is by setting aside a dedicated time to ask, "How are we doing?" Even if you're sharing the same space daily, real conversations can still be rare. Sometimes, we don’t even know where to begin or how to come back to one another. That’s where a little structure can help.
Here’s a simple guide I often share with my couples.
Set the scene.
Choose a time when you won’t be interrupted. Put your phones away, turn off the TV, and if you have kids, wait until they’re asleep or otherwise occupied. Create a space that allows you to be present and fully tuned in to each other.
Make it feel special.
Try to set this time apart from the rest of your week. Doing so sends a message - to your brain and your partner - that this is meaningful time for just the two of you. Maybe it’s Saturday morning coffee with your favorite pastries, a walk on a nearby trail, or even a quiet dinner at that new restaurant you've been curious about. The goal is to turn this into a small ritual, something you both look forward to. You deserve that!
Start with these questions:
What’s something that went well for you this week?
What was a challenge for you?
Is there anything I can do to support you right now?
What’s one thing we’d like to work on together moving forward?
What’s one thing we appreciated about each other this week?
Feel free to tweak these or add your own. What matters most is that it feels authentic to your relationship.
Take turns being the speaker and the listener.
One person asks, the other answers. Then switch. Save any elaboration or problem-solving for after both of you have shared. This helps create space for both voices to be heard and honored.
The power of intentionality.
Even just ten or fifteen minutes of intentional connection can go a long way. Over time, this small habit can help strengthen trust, deepen your bond, and keep you both feeling seen and supported.
Let this be your reminder: connection doesn’t have to be complicated, it just has to be intentional. Now go grab your partner, a cup of coffee, and get talking!
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Let’s Connect
I'm Kelsey Graham, owner of Fen & Fir Counseling, offering virtual individual and couples therapy to clients across Spokane and Washington state.
If this message resonates with you and you’re ready to take the next step in your personal work, I invite you to reach out for a free consultation:
https://kelsey-graham.clientsecure.me/
I would be honored to support you.
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Disclaimer: this post is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. It does not substitute or provide mental help.